The Chair Lift

One of the things I enjoy most about skiing with my kids is the chair lift ride. Especially when it is just myself and Maddie or myself and EJ. 

I joke that they are a captive audience, and it is an opportunity for me to talk to them about things that matter, but the truth is, I am the captive audience. 

Those chairlift rides are a safe place for them just to be themselves, talk about what is on their mind, and for me to ask a question or two. And just to listen. They share things with me about what they love, what makes them laugh, what makes them nervous, and shed light on their observations of the world they live in. 

We talk all the time about the power of asking great questions and then being an active, mindful listener and how to develop that skill set. 

Here is the thing… we can ask all the powerful questions we want and try our hardest to be a good listener, but until we identify what is getting in the way of our listening, we will never be what others truly need.

We spend so much time thinking about what we can become when it would benefit us and those we lead immensely if we also dive into what is getting in our way.

In the book “The Zen of Listening”, author Rebecca Z. Shafir identifies rote behaviors that get in the way of us becoming a mindful listener as prejudice, negativism, closed-mindedness, and preoccupation with self.

The best listeners focus on the process of listening and not the payoff, and one of the things that contributes to that is their ability to bring compassion to the conversation. 

Now, I embrace accountability and call it as I see it, but I need to make sure I see it with my head and heart, as well as my eyes. 

I want to leave you with one more significant point from The Zen of Listening about poor listeners. 

 

Poor listeners make life more difficult for themselves and those they are leading when they crave attention as the speaker, think about what to say next while others are still talking, interrupt to take control of the conversation, hold fast to opinions, constantly dwell on the past or dream about the future and other self-defeating behaviors.

 

Those chair lift rides are some of my favorite memories and also a place where I practice mindful listening. I hope that my kids, like the people we lead, will come to understand the significance of listening to understand not because I told them, but because I showed them.